I think the furthest I ever got was Guitar Hero. If I could start a band like that, I think I could do it.

I don't want to die tomorrow knowing I could've had a piece of cake tonight.

There's 5 levels of fatness! Fluffy is one of the levels. There's big, healthy, husky, fluffy and damn.

Why do people measure life by the years instead of how good the years were?

I drink diet coke so I can eat regular cake.

Me racist? The only race I hate is the one you have to run.

Life is measured by how you lived it, not by the years.

With all the classes they offer at school, how come they don't have one for common sense?

When you go to Hawaii, it's all about "Aloha." It means hello, goodbye and I love you.

You live by the cake, you die by the cake.

I had to travel half way across the world to be called an American.

It turns out that we’re not the only ones who go out on a scientific limb as we discuss or attempt to discuss cars, car repairs and scientific education in America today.

The rule of my life is to make business a pleasure and pleasure my business.

I were better to be eaten to death with a rust than to be scoured to nothing with perpetual motion.

Obama wants to be thought of as the president who freed us from foreign oil. But if he doesn't show some political courage, he may well be remembered as the president who cooked the planet.

One second you're having the time of your life in front of all these people, and then you come backstage to the exact opposite - there's only lukewarm carrots back there.

[But] we accept irony through a device called metaphor. And through that we grow and become deeper human beings.

My stockbroker asked me something important today: paper or plastic?

If you feel guilty or quietly ashamed, seek the power of the Atonement.

Everyone had an opinion and no one had a solution.

The reason I got a break in Hollywood when I moved here a few years ago is my good buddy, who I was on the beach with when he was a publicist, is now the chairman of HBO.