I think that being on the road and doing more and more stand-up has allowed me to figure out... like, I don't think I'll ever be Bill Hicks, but I think I'm figuring out what my opinion is on things.

It's not that weird, but when I was in Peru, I ate a guinea pig. If you're going to eat guinea pig, you call it cuy. Cute word for such a cute little animal that I ate a few times.

Oftentimes the shows that don't work help you get it right.

Contrary to widespread belief, I do know something about science.

I like an otter. I like a sea lion. I like a walrus. That's my favorite version of a sea creature.

I'm sure there are people who say like, "I was wearing weird emo eyeliner," but there's something pretty embarrassing about the jazz phase.

I have what I guess is medically known as a farting problem.

Whether it's corporate investigations or comedy, there are certain inherent truths to trying to get what you want while trying to be a decent person doing it.

I was, like, a history major, and I minored in art and Spanish, but I found myself gravitating toward media studies as time went on.

Sometimes shows suffer from having many cooks in the kitchen.

I would be psyched to get a phone call from Al Sharpton. I need to find out who does his hair. It's beautiful. It's a gorgeous mane.

The calmness was fracturing, tendrils of fear seeping through her mind like ivy. Once the fear consumed her, she'd run.

do you reckon to win the everlasting laurels without a conflict?

I have seen the movement of the sinews of the sky, And the blood coursing in the veins of the moon.

When I see a new face, something sets off an alarm bell inside me. 'slow down! Danger!' Even when the attraction is strongest, I am on my guard.

I've always been creative, I think.

How can the child learn to be a free and responsible citizen when the teacher is bound?

Whoever values peace of mind and the health of the soul will live the best of all possible lives.

Decomposition, for most, starts when they leave the free, social, and uncorrupted college life for the solitary confinement of professions and nuclear families.

Men may have wars, but women have their period. Men go off and kill each other, but women say nasty things, which is even better.

There's no better way to learn something than to learn it in front of an audience. Your terror drives you.