I think everything contributes to your creativity.

Every cookie is a sugar cookie. A cookie without sugar is a cracker.

No matter what time of year it's always funny when a person walks by me dressed in religious garb and I say Happy Halloween!

Just saw an orthodox Jewish kid do 3 pull-ups on the scaffolding. Shattering the previous record.

Don't go back over your life with a red pen.

Some people hate Jews. Fine, alright it's been done. I mean, that's part of my problem with it. Could you hate somebody new? I'm not giving you any suggestions but the Belgians have had a good run.

The key is to get it all down on paper before the coffee stops telling you you're talented.

Rich people are just like us though they now eat their meals off square shaped plates.

If you are 26 years old and you're waking up under Star Wars sheets... the Force is not with you.

The definition of the word nerd has changed. It's now any attractive person with a hobby. The loneliness component is no longer included.

I sometimes throw in a couple of swears just to keep the Christian right off my tail. I wouldn't want to be the tea party's go-to comedian.

Having a job is being busy

I am Become Text Message. Destroyer Of Words.

The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that still carries any reward.

Die gefährlichste Weltanschauung ist die Weltanschauung derer, die die Welt nie angeschaut haben. (The most dangerous worldview is the worldview of those who have not viewed the world)

It was Christ who willingly went to the cross, and it was our sins that took him there.

Democrats believe that the federal government is not our enemy, it's our partner.

I'm honestly as happy writing Superman Adventures as I am writing Wanted.

The fans treated me with a lot of respect, and I played as hard as possible every night. I wanted to win. I'm going to always be a competitor.

Comedians walk out, get a feel for the crowd. If it's not going good, we change directions. If we got to drag your momma into this thing, we will. Whatever we got to do.

My attitude has always been if you get better and you see success, that should motivate you to even work harder, so that's kinda how I approach everything.