I tell people that I've now done one decent thing in my life. Albeit inadvertently.

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.

Being Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm was the best thing to happen to Larry David in life.

Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn’t need therapy.

I’d rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

Sometimes you have to wander a bit, and do what you don't want to in order to figure out what it is you're supposed to do.

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone

...the pleasures of literary fiction are the pleasures of orientation

As the sun shines I will make hayTo keep failure at bayFor there remaineth a payFor my honest toil each day.

Innate human tendencies were meant to help us survive the wilderness, not make investment decisions.

There remains a natural career progression even though the tougher job climate seeks to delay it.

If you watch a game it's fun. If you play it it's recreation. If you work at it it's golf.

His words are the essence of truth...Jesus never uttered opinions. He never guessed; He knew, and He knows.

Old stories often turn out to be true.

I've got my finger in a lot of pies.

If you don't play to win don't play at all.

The world is not given by our fathers but borrowed from our children.