I read Shakespeare and the Bible, and I can shoot dice. That's what I call a liberal education.

I think the Republican party should be placed in drydock and have the barnacles scraped off its bottom.

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.

I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as dull as ditch water: I hate to go to bed, I hate to get up, and I hate to be alone.

Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don't have time.

If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.

Too many of our countrymen rejoice in stupidity, look upon ignorance as a badge of honor. They condemn everything they don't understand.

All my life I've been terrible at remembering people's names. I once introduced a friend of mine as Martini. Her name was actually Olive.

Fill what is empty, empty what is full, and scratch where it itches.

My father warned me about men and booze but he never said anything about women and cocaine.

They aren't making mirrors like they use to.

When you star arises, your cloud of opposition awakens

Through meditation, difficult thoughts and emotions may well rise up. And through practice, you can meet such emotions with kindness, listen to them, explore them and then really let them go.

Mr. ***** is blessed with such happy manners as may ensure his making friends -- whether he may be equally capable of retaining them, is less certain.

A mistake is always forgivable, rarely excusable and always unacceptable.

What they should really do, if they want supreme power, is develop the tonal to perfection.

I just need to figure out how things work.

Iran, Ireland, Israel. That's three countries, four religions that HATE each other. Way to go, 'I'.

I just couldn't go back to Suddenly Susan after David Strickland's suicide. I didn't see how we could make the show light and funny any more.

I like my life. I like my friends. I don't want to go anywhere else.

If you think that someone is out to steal everything you have, you're either paranoid or a member of the middle class.