I never write anything down. I write onstage.

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!

When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

We stood as the ground shifted and we saw the view from belowthrough tiled floors and concrete stairs, our feet burning holes in the foundation while you whispered of dreams.

I want to touch people's lives, and bring them along with me.

Kiss an angel good morning and love her like the devil when you get back home.

I miss theater. I miss living the arc of the character, from curtain to curtain, and I miss the immediate audience response.

Traditionally, photography is supposed to capture an event that has passed; but that is not what I'm looking for. Photography brings the past into the present when you look at it...

There is nothing so aggravating as a fresh boy who is too old to ignore and too young to kick.

Life is too short to make an over-serious business out of it.

The best source by far for hiring is people that you already know and people that other employees in the company already know.

My goal was never to get re-elected.

Whatever kind of story you're telling, whether it's a genre piece for a comic book or whatever it is, it has importance because it's all a metaphor for the existence of our being.