I need to develop some patience - immediately.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

God—the Bible’s Author—loves you and wants you to be His child through faith in Jesus Christ.

When God speaks, oftentimes His voice will call for an act of courage on our part.

Just as lavishness leads easily to presumption, so does frugality to meanness. But meanness is a far less serious fault than presumption.

Like, I'm hyper-conscious about going to bed on time, and doing my seven-step skin care routine at night.

I'm not loved by Hillary Clinton... and I don't love her either.

The lessons of nonviolence are universal. Not just for America.

[The Master] doesn't glitter like a jewel... [but is] as rugged and common as a stone.

Holding unconventional opinions makes people feel they have strong characters.

We had a picture of the pope and President [J.F.] Kennedy on top of the television.

Few books today are forgivable. Black on canvas, silence on the screen, an empty white sheet of paper are perhaps feasible.