I'm surprised sometimes at how some of my actions are misinterpreted.

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.

Being Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm was the best thing to happen to Larry David in life.

Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn’t need therapy.

I’d rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

Sometimes you have to wander a bit, and do what you don't want to in order to figure out what it is you're supposed to do.

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone

Un sceptique qui adhère à un croyant cela est simple comme la loi des couleurs complémentaires.Ce qui nous manque nous attire.

We are doing a huge disservice to a dying world if a manifestation of the joy in us is not coming out of us.

Nothing has or will ever be weird with us Derrick. Now that I’ve been touched by you things will never be the same.

I don't design houses with the nuclear family idea because I don't believe in it as a concept.

It's basically the same, just darker. (on racing Saturday nights as opposed to Sunday afternoons, 1991

Whoever finds that they're not prepared to give their all should draw the inescapable conclusion from that and stop.

It still hasn't kicked in yet. I haven't had a second to think about it. And I don't physically have the Grammy! So I can't even look at it!

Anything that strengthens the private sector vs. the state is protective of personal freedom.

Savory...that's a swell word. And Basil and Betel. Capsicum. Curry. All great. But Relish, now, Relish with a capital R. No argument, that' the best.

Wives should be kissed - not heard.