I'm pretty sure Africa was made up by the media to scare people. I mean, I've never seen it. Have you? I didn't think so.

I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn't about white people.

I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers.

I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.

It's all about being a part of something in the community, socializing with people who share interests and coming together to help improve the world we live in.

In New York, we tip everyone. We tip doormen, we tip cab drivers, and we tip bartenders at the bar. You'll get quite an evil eye if you don't leave a tip at the bar.

I like hot dogs. I like eggplant. I like pizza and creamed corn and beer. But I don't like Arabs.

The best way to travel abroad is to live with the locals.

I don't mind it if blacks want equal rights, as long as they mean rights equal to a dog

It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.

Women have the right to choose what do with their own bodies. They can take it in the cooch or in the pooper. But that's where their right to choose stops, in my opinion.

It's the time to run away an' hide under the bed, an' hope the world's still in one piece when you come out again.

Making a difference is a point of view. For a universe, you can be a simple individual. But for some individual, you can transform "your universe".

When you create a soul, plant the seeds of love with your thoughts, words, and actions . The soul flourishes among the flow-ers of love.

The Lord's Prayer may be committed to memory quickly but it is slowly learnt by heart.

Necessity never made a good bargain.

If I could have drawn a cat yelling for lasagna every day for 15 years and have them pay me $30 million to do so, I would have.

Censorship may be useful for the preservation of morality, but can never be so for its restoration.

Voting for the lesser of two evils is voting for your own enslavement.

There is a great beauty in every language and there is a great language in every beauty! Be silent and listen to them!

Works of imagination should be written in very plain language; the more purely imaginative they are the more necessary it is to be plain.