I'm not always looking for the laugh. I'm not the guy who sits in and listens to conversations and wants to jump in with something hilarious every two seconds. I actually do listen to people.

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

I know this sounds strange, but as a kid, I was really shy. Painfully shy. The turning point was freshman year, when I was the biggest geek alive. No one, I mean no one, even talked to me.

My soul is not contained within the limits of my body; my body is contained within the limitlessness of my soul.

I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it's not the answer.

Life opens up opportunities to you, and you either take them or you stay afraid of taking them.

150 people die every year from being hit by falling coconuts. Not to worry, drug makers are developing a vaccine.

Flowers don't worry about how they're going to bloom. They just open up & turn toward the light & that makes them beautiful.

I got a lot of support from my parents. That's the one thing I always appreciated. They didn't tell me I was being stupid; they told me I was being funny.

Ever since I started to get recognition I've picked out certain fans and reverse-stalked them.

Everything you gain in life will rot and fall apart, and all that will be left of you is what was in your heart.

I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.

What you seem to forget is that I'm not one of the embodiments of evil. I'm one of the embodiments of fear. That means I know what makes evil quake in the light of the sun.

Know yourself. Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

It's all in the day's work, as the huntsman said when the lion ate him.

Often the best guys are just those that can suffer longer, who don't give up. And it's so easy to give up, when you're on a mountain and it's really hurting. We go through a lot physically.

We all know Gael - when he's at his best, it's tough to play.

All sects seem to me to be right in what they assert, and wrong in what they deny.

This life is the only hell believers will ever know. But for those who die in their sins, this is their only heaven.

The hard, inescapable reality is that anyone who flies may die in an airplane.

Humans are very good at making algorithms work eventually.