I'm a selfish, little pig of a man.

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!

When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

Some people weren't made for love.

Doctors are busy playing God when so few of us have the qualifications. And besides the job is taken.

When a man wantonly destroys a work of man we call him a vandal when a man destroys one of the works of God we call him a sportsman.

You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers...damn anthropologists.

[Donald Trump ] who has said women don't deserve equal pay unless they do as good a job as men.

What I've learned from sketch is you can get it as perfect as you want, and it's never going to be perfect.

At home the hateful names of parties cease, And factious souls are wearied into peace.

Nobility of character manifests itself at loop-holes when it is not provided with large doors.

A football match should be decided by an action of play. Not some contrived process whose end result is to mark a fine player such as Bossis, Baresi or Baggio for the rest of his career.

The most important question for me when I begin working on a film is where to start. For a book, what makes you convinced there is a story that is worthwhile?