I love being in love, but I also love other things, like not being jealous, overly sensitive, or needy.

If you have the woman you love, what more do you need? Well, besides an alibi for the time of her husband’s murder.

To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken.

Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer.

She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, “Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert.

If I could bronze my love, it’d be worthy of a silver medal.

Love is inaudible—until you hear it. And once you do, you’ll never forget the sound of her voice.

I love like I’m thirsty. Can I offer you a tall glass of Sahara sand?

I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home.

We had an unspoken love for one another. Probably because she’d never talk to me or return my phone calls or texts.

I am in love, and the river is beginning to ice over. I’d better go drown myself before I freeze to death.

Change is not always easy, but with patience and perseverance, we can find the good in change.

Patience endurance define the attractiveness of life.

The more you know, the more you yearn for knowledge.

When a situation gets so bad that no solution seems possible there is left only murder and suicide, or both. These failing, one becomes a buffoon.

My sense of god is my sense of wonder about the universe.

Hillary Clinton should have been prosecuted and gone to jail.

Money brings you food, but not appetite; medicine, but not health; acquaintances, but not friends.

Only a goalie can appreciate what a goalie goes through.

I have been to Heaven, I've been to Hell, I've been possessed by Lucifer. You can't really get much bigger than that.