I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.

The best things in life aren't things.

People who live in glass houses have to wash their windows all the time.

There isn't a child who hasn't gone out into the brave new world who eventually doesn't return to the old homestead carrying a bundle of dirty clothes.

Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.

The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.

You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.

If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.

The things that matter most are not things.

This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.

I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.

Treat me well and I will tell... Treat me bad and I feel sad. Treat me good, change my mood. Treat me sweet and call it quits!

Sometimes it seems that everybody in the world is in favor of democracy, just as long as it gives them the result they want.

I would make far more money if every song were my own, but I don't write to fill up the album with my songs.

Thankfulness makes much of little.

Our target is to get into the play-offs. If not, we want automatic promotion.

Women have the feeling that since they didn't make the rules, the rules have nothing to do with them.

It was my dream that screwed up, the stupid hearthside idea that it would be wonderful to follow one great red line across America instead of trying various roads and routes.

I am often asked why I use a variety of pen names. The answer is that this way readers always know which of my three worlds they will be entering when they pick up one of my books.

Nothing that can be known has existence in itself. It depends on a knower. The knower is consciousness.

We should look to (Castro) as one of the Earth's wisest people, one of the people we should consult.