I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.

The best things in life aren't things.

People who live in glass houses have to wash their windows all the time.

There isn't a child who hasn't gone out into the brave new world who eventually doesn't return to the old homestead carrying a bundle of dirty clothes.

Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.

The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.

You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.

If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.

The things that matter most are not things.

This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.

This is a wonderful way to celebrate an 80th birthday... I wanted to be 65 again, but they wouldn't let me - Homeland Security.

Our relationship must be right with God before it can be right with man.

I am doing a lot of work for my church, taking an evangelism class, doing a lot of reading - mostly the Bible and things that coordinate with the Bible and go with the evangelism class.

I did not know the woman I would be nor that blood would bloom in me each month like an exotic flower, nor that children, two monuments, would break from between my legs.

Pleasures are manifestations of God's name.

Intellectuals never sound more foolish than when posing as the last civilised man.

I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.

Crisis is the path to happiness. Decay and disintegration do not spell doom, but ascent and beginning. The powerful forces of a new creation operate in the hush beyond the noise of the day.

When someone changes your world, that's when you know he's important to you.

The best way never to fall is ever to fear.