I just Fell Down the Stairs Holding a Guitar and Accidentally Wrote a One Direction Song

We all know the moon isn't made out of green cheese...but if it was made out of barbeque spare ribs would you eat it?

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.

I've always wanted to sail around the world in a handmade boat and I built a boat.

A fashion plate, a rock star in his own mind, Megamind is more showman than deadly menace.

Whenever someone calls me ugly I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.

Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, you write on walls and you get poked by people you don't know

I have the physique a lot of people dream about having. It's my obligation to share it with the world.

Alcohol is like Photoshop for real life

I look good. I mean, really good. Hey everyone! Come and see how good I look!

I think my new iPhone 5S is broken. I pressed the home button and I'm still at work

Reading is for pleasure

Children's reading and children's thinking are the rock-bottom base upon which this country will rise.

The second you are handed a newborn it is yours. It doesn’t matter what body it came out of. I’ve never felt more strongly about anything in my life.

A Horcrux is the complete opposite of a human being.

It wasn't until I was in my teens that I started admiring writers as inspirations for my own work, and my earliest influences there were Stephen King, Marion Zimmer Bradley and Richard Adams.

With proud thanksgiving, a mother for her children, England mourns for her dead across the sea.

Every night before I turn out the lights to sleep, I ask myself this question: Have I done everything that I can.... Have I done enough?

There!" Apollo pointed. "Long Island, dead ahead. Let's slow down, dear. 'Dead' is only an expression.

I was taught coming up in the Phillies organization to be seen and not heard by people like Pete Rose, my hero growing up, and players like Mike Schmidt and Steve Carlton and Manny Trillo.

Too long a sacrifice can make a stone of the heart. O when may it suffice?