I hope I can settle my internal conflicts without bloodshed.

Instead of past, present and future, I'd prefer chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target

Be kind to unkind people. They need it the most.

Please don't lie to me,unless,you're sure I'll never find out the truth.

The greatest obstacle to discovering the truth is being convinced that you already know it.

I want either less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.

I too have known joy and sadness, and, on the whole, I prefer joy.

I'll give up my bad habits as soon as equally satisfying good habits become available.

I may not be perfect, but parts of me are excellent.

Keep some souvenirs of your past, or how will you ever prove it wasn't all a dream?

In normal life, "simplicity" is synonymous with "easy to do, " but when a chef uses the word, it means "takes a lifetime to learn.

When I look at a lot of older stuff that I've written, I think one sign of amateur humor writing is when you see people trying too hard.

What's the point of being sad?" he says. "We're here now.

God bless the America we are trying to create.

We are born weak, we need strength; helpless, we need aid; foolish, we need reason. All that we lack at birth, all that we need when we come to man's estate, is the gift of education.

It is not the fact that a man has riches which keeps him from the kingdom of heaven, but the fact that riches have him.

Life is not linear; you have ups and downs. It's how you deal with the trough that defines you.

Donald Trump is interesting to people. He's intriguing. But they want to see that Donald Trump in the White House. And he's getting there and he's going to pivot there.

We've seen what can be accomplished when we use 50% of our human capacity. If you visualize what 100% can do, you'll join me as an unbridled optimist about America's future.