When I look at a lot of older stuff that I've written, I think one sign of amateur humor writing is when you see people trying too hard.

The Greeks had invented democracy, built the Acropolis and called it a day.

Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings.

A zoo is a good place to make a spectacle of yourself, as the people around you have creepier, more photogenic things to look at.

There seemed to be some correlation between devotion to God and a misguided zeal for marshmallows.

All of us take pride and pleasure in the fact that we are unique, but I'm afraid that when all is said and done the police are right: it all comes down to fingerprints.

Remember that the most important thing is to try and love other people as much as they love you.

Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.

I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later.

Like all of my friends, she's a lousy judge of character.

A good [short story] would take me out of myself and then stuff me back in, outsized, now, and uneasy with the fit.

I want love to conquer all. But love can't conquer anything. It can't do anything on it's own.It relies on us to do the conquering on its behalf.

We can finally start translating the book, " Cate said. "At least, I think we

All I can say is if the part doesn't delight me in some way, or I can't feel any compassion for it, I just can't do it.

Right before The Civil War, only 8% of white people owned slaves. Some plantations would have hundreds and hundreds of slaves, but the vast majority of whites didn't have any.

When life gives you lemons, you exchange them at the store for something more edible.

If you think before you speak the other guy gets his joke in first.

Mere curiosity adds wings to every step.

I have no problem going on record with this and probably have gone on record with this before, there aren't that many people who I respect. There just aren't.

Be true to your old dreams so that our world will not lose hope.

Come to think of it, maybe God is a He after all, because only a cruel force would create something this beautiful and make it inaccessible to most people