I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

Said Hamlet to Ophelia, I'll draw a sketch of thee. What kind of pencil shall I use? 2B or not 2B?

We haven't got a plan so nothing can go wrong!

...you are a writer the moment you start writing, not when you've sold your first book.

"Of what are you afraid my child?" inquired the kindly teacher. "Oh sir! the flowers they are wild " replied the timid creature.

The ultimate and dearest - and, again, only - relationship we have is the relationship we have with our thoughts.

Time knows not the weight of sleep or weariness, and night's deep darkness has no chain to bind his rushing pinion.

The Lord doesn't put us through this test just to give us a test: He does it because the process will change us.

Devotion, fervor, longing! Those are my pillars. We have to be the bridge to the future.

Bob Altman got nothing from the TV series 'M*A*S*H,' and the royalties for the theme song went to his oldest son, Michael, who wrote it as a 15-year-old poet!

It's hard to spend years at a time working in total solitude with no reality-check.

And all the stories had, somewhere, the witch. The wicked old witch. And Tiffany had thought: Where's the evidence?

This is the end. This is as far as you can go. After this it all starts over again.