I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and I feel they should all worship me. That's what I told my kids.

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

Excuse the mess but we live here.

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.

Half the world's starving; the other half is trying to lose weight.

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.

I call myself a 'domestic goddess.

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?

I quit smoking. I feel better. I smell better. And it's safer to drink out of old beer cans laying around the house.

Writers are the engineers of human souls.

Love can be unselfish, in the sense of being benevolent and generous, without being selfless.

Our years, our debts, and our enemies are always more numerous than we imagine.

But I always wound up being the damn John, when I wanted to be the Paul.

All philosophy lies in two words, sustain and abstain.

If you do something with your whole heart and it's a mistake, you can live with that.

Individual character is in the right that is in strict consistence with itself. Self-contradiction is the only wrong.

Americans appreciate the way our friends around the world are sticking by us, and we all hope for their continued support in what's going to be some very trying times.

Tragedy, no matter how sad, becomes boring to those not caught in its addictive caress.

I want to be like a sunflower; so that even on the darkest days I will stand tall and find the sunlight.