I had an uncle who had a car with a rumble seat, and I used to love to ride in that thing. I mentioned this to some kids, and they were like, "What are you even talking about?"

We should never judge a day by its weather.

Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them.

But once we got on the air, everybody except Morey Amsterdam pretty much stuck to the script.

You have to be able to laugh at yourself. Attitude is almost more important than what happens to you.

You can spread jelly on the peanut butter but you can't spread peanut butter on the jelly.

I didn't know the answers, but I could feel that the things that gave life meaning came from a place within and from the nurturing of values like tolerance, charity, and community.

I never had a lot of drive, but because I had family responsibilities, I had a lot of tenacity - the tenacity of a drowning man.

Walt Disney and I always said we were two children looking for our inner adults.

People think I'm talking like I'm in perfect health, but I have all the infirmities for my age. I have arthritis and all those things. But if you keep moving, that won't bother you.

In my seventies, I exercised to stay ambulatory. In my eighties, I exercise to avoid assisted living.

To automatically be promoted from one class to another without any serious self- discipline, and self- improvement is a cheap life.

Pain is a treasure, for it contains mercies.

My stand-up act is very clean.

Religion is like a knife: you can either use it to cut bread, or stick in someone's back.

I'm just funnier when I'm drunk. Not falling-down drunk, just drunk enough to lose the self-doubt.

In general, fakirs, like scribes and potters, are sitting down, when he's standing up, a fakir is just like an other man, and sitting down, he'll be smaller than the others.

I have half a dozen designers who work for me, they 'realise' most of the design work, and I act as the design director and the main point of client contact on each project.

Please, I don't want anybody to think I'm starving, I'm not. My health is perfect, actually.

The only way to know something absolutely is to experience it for yourself; anything less is theory, speculation, and belief. .

Never to blend our pleasure or our pride With sorrow of the meanest thing that feels.