I found people looked better when they laughed

Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stolen.

My life needs editing.

People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely.

I've arranged with my executor to be buried in Chicago. Because when I die, I want to still remain active politically.

When Obama ran, he said, We can change the world! The world: can you change it back?!

There's a danger our fiscal bankruptcy might overtake our moral bankruptcy.

A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now.

Remember that no matter how selfish, how cruel, how unfeeling you have been today, every time you take a breath, you make a flower happy.

The fact is that you can't have a good relationship with a girl who hasn't settled things with her father.

One thing about being narrow-minded: you'll never be lonely.

A good writer is one that can see the goodness in others and helps them to be better.

At that moment, Oliver realized that home is not a place, but rather, the people who love you.

Save a horse. Ride a cowboy... or two!

Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without words and never stops at all.

One is never afraid of the unknown; one is afraid of the known coming to an end.

I can't remember anything without a sadness so deep that it hardly becomes known to me, so deep that its tears leave me a spectator of my own stupidity.

Illusions are hazardous, and so are disillusions.

If we leave the European Union, yes there will be bumps in the road, inevitably, but we will be in a better position to deal with them.

In fact, I'd say that the sources of the economy's expansion from 2003 to 2007 were, in order, the housing bubble, the war, and - very much in third place - tax cuts.

Look out, Death: I am coming.-Art thou not glad? what talks we'll have.-What memories of old battles.-Come, bring the bowl, Death; I am thirsty.