I don't want to be a director. I want to direct. There's a difference.

I won't eat anything that has intelligent life, but I'd gladly eat a network executive or a politician.

You offer a sincere compliment on a great mustache and suddenly she's not your friend.

Money can't buy poverty.

Hookers have to deliver on their promise... unlike politicians.

Could be worse... Could be raining

Too old to die young, and too young to grow up.

I don't enjoy anything while I'm doing it. I enjoy having done things, though.

Comedy, like sodomy, is an unnatural act.

I don't know any jokes, which is embarrassing. I wish I did.

He made us laugh, he took my pain away. I love you, Lauretta.

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.

The essence of every single person on this planet it God.

And to my soul mate, ” he raises his glass, “who has been with me all along, but is absent from my side.

You know, when the list of people who have a really good reason to want you dead covers more than two sheets of paper, you might want to start rethinking your life choices.

It's inspiration that counts, not the drill.

I believe that ultimately the situation in Kosovo can only be resolved through self-determination.

Let us dig our furrow in the fields of the commonplace.

The real student is studying, learning, inquiring, exploring, not just until he is twenty or twenty-five, but throughout life.

I've realized that the only thing I'm interested in is the performance. If the performance is right, then I'm happy. You offer up the dialogue and then the performance comes around.

I want people to see the dress, but focus on the woman.