I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me.

My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings

I'm on performance enhancing drugs, so I may cause drowsiness.

My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.

My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese.

I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it.

They asked me what I thought about euthanasia. I said I'm more concerned about the adults.

I went to an audition the other day, they were casting 13 people to be clouds, 14 people showed up, it was overcast.

I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world.

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes

A window of opportunity for me usually involves a rock.

When you fall in love, your heart blooms like a flower and your soul transforms and transcends like a butterfly

I don't get jealousy, I don't get how people hate each other - I never did.

I got called back into the Navy during the Korean War.

... if we are serious about helping nature, we need to be willing to forego material benefits.

I'm not really involved with politics... I'm living in my cocoon with my classical music around.

To do so no more is the truest repentance.

There are worse things than poverty, though I can't for the moment remember what they are.

And If the surgeon is like a poet, then the scars you have made on countless bodies are like verses into the fashioning of which you have poured your soul.

Choices lead to habits. Habits become talents. Talents are labeled gifts. You’re not born this way, you get this way.

We live beyond words, as also we live beyond computation and beyond theory.