I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

GOD is super intelligent - says GO & DO GOOD things, if not I may pick you as an ODD human & like a honest DOG knows what to do next!

There is appointed time for every sacred event under the sun.

You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.

I think it's too bad when teenagers become conformist in terms of fashion,because it's the ideal time to go off into your own crazy thing without looking completely idiotic.

I sometimes think that the prevalent use of external cosmetics eats out the internal brain if persisted in long enough.

Wisdom entereth not into a malicious mind.

I feel my work is a success in so far as I get to wake up every morning and do what I love to do more than anything in the world.

One mistake does not define you.

My hope is next year Terry and I can work out a contract. I have no problem with the Minnesota Twins.

Men may rise on stepping stones of their dead selves to higher things.