I didn't do improv in college, I never performed, I didn't do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

It is impossible to fulfill the law concerning love for Me God eternal apart from the law concerning love for your neighbors.

Those who Know they do not Know that to Know is to Know what they do not Know!

I would just as likely be doing soccer practice as filming commercials.

I'm raising a child, and it's public. The media creates these dramas, and that's not what's happening in my life.

We find what we are looking for.

Israel has created a new image of the Jew in the world - the image of a working and an intellectual people, of a people that can fight with heroism.

I'll walk through fire to do what I do because the movie business, when it's right, is the coolest art form ever invented.

To live well is to work well, to show a good activity.

A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.