I'd been doing some light-beer commercials for Budweiser and Coors, and I was doing stand-up comedy. I wanted to get into the acting world, and my agent sent me on audition and they liked it.

A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers.

I have a wandering eye and a lazy eye so they cancel each other out. It's a push.

Breaking News: Winds so strong in NYC The Statue of Liberty's gown just blew off!

I think the education system is great just the way it is. There's kids in my neighborhood in Los Angeles, seven years old, that can already speak fluent Spanish.

If people can't deal with their problems, they numb themselves a little bit.

I became a vegetarian after I became aware of factory farming and slaughterhouses and the torture and inhumane handling of all these animals.

Every homeless puppy and kitten was born to parents who weren't spayed or neutered. I'm proud to support PETA's work to prevent animal homelessness.

You don't have to swim faster than the shark, just faster than the person you're with.

I'm on a strict running program. I started yesterday. I've only missed one day so far.

Never wear a red t-shirt to Target. I enjoy helping people, but not every two minutes.

If I'd married someone in show business, there'd be too much competition.

True interactivity is not about clicking on icons or downloading files, it's about encouraging communication.

The United States is the best and fairest and most decent nation on the face of the earth.

Without Valentine's Day, February would be... well, January.

Those who are lacking in bhakti (devotion), lacking in faith, are ill qualified to interpret the scriptures.

If [Donald] Trump drags down a bunch of Senate Republicans, the post-election GOP assessment will be much more pessimistic.

There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when your hand or head is stuck in something.

When you see tears in my eyes, you see it's not about the wins or the losses, It's about the opportunity.

Can we pray for the reelection of George Bush?

Folks talk too fast, and don't understand what they talkin' about.