I believe that love and laughter can only happen when one person takes the time to think about what would cause the other person to feel good.

In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.

I believe that laughter is a language of God and that we can all live happily ever laughter.

Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection.

In every country, they make fun of city. In U.S. you make fun of Cleveland. In Russia, we make fun of Cleveland.

In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law breaks you! In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you!

In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, The Party can always find you!

It's kind of bittersweet. The human spirit is not measured by the size of the act, but by the size of the heart.

I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.

Men and women are immigrants in each other's worlds.

I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the house. And the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way she wants to.

It is not by man's power that you are here, but by a greater Power. That Power will stay with you.

It/ll be better tomorrow...

My will is not a place, but a condition. Do not ask Me where and when, but ask Me how.

Teachers believe they have a gift for giving it drives them with the same irrepressible drive that drives others to create a work of art or a market or a building.

We always pay dearly for chasing after what is cheap.

A difficult crowd will always test your true ability.

When people are educated, the distinction between classes disappears.

He who says he hates every kind of flattery, and says it in earnest, certainly does not yet know every kind of flattery.

I just like music that I can relate to, something to listen to in my car.

Writers can treat their mental illnesses every day.