I Was so Drunk, I Thought a Tube of Toothpaste Was Astronaut Food.

We all know the moon isn't made out of green cheese...but if it was made out of barbeque spare ribs would you eat it?

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.

I've always wanted to sail around the world in a handmade boat and I built a boat.

A fashion plate, a rock star in his own mind, Megamind is more showman than deadly menace.

Whenever someone calls me ugly I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.

Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, you write on walls and you get poked by people you don't know

I have the physique a lot of people dream about having. It's my obligation to share it with the world.

Alcohol is like Photoshop for real life

I look good. I mean, really good. Hey everyone! Come and see how good I look!

I think my new iPhone 5S is broken. I pressed the home button and I'm still at work

Tomorrow morning, he decided, I'll begin clearing away the sand of fifty thousand centuries for my first vegetable garden. That's the initial step.

A negative past is only there to motivate you to start creating a future that's far better than it.

I never stepped foot into a Brooks Brothers before Mad Men.

Consider nothing impossible, then treat possiblities as probabilities.

Not sure if that will benefit me or hurt me, but I know I have the skills and am ready to play in the NBA regardless of my ethnicity.

I write for somebody who has my own limitations. My reader has a certain difficulty with concentrating, which in my case comes from being a film viewer.

For some reason, my whole life has been, 'You can't do this, you can't do that.

The purpose of a liberal arts education is to learn that a person can like both cats and dogs.

All in all, Vermont is a jewel state, small but precious.

I always felt that Hollywood has a way of making you feel outside.