Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

When water fountains start charging to drink, then you know we have a problem.

I find it very easy playing Bond. I think he's hilarious. He gets himself into some extraordinarily funny situations.

When I hear a man preach, I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.

Text messaging is just the most recent focus of people's anxiety; what people are really worried about is a new generation gaining control of what they see as their language.

Everybody has to learn for the first time.

I am the manifestation of study, NOT the manifestation of money. Therefore, I advance through thought, NOT what's manufactured and bought.

I had a test on my kidneys a few weeks back and found out I have two.

All men have one refuge, a good friend, with whom you can weep and know that he does not smile.

A lot of people have ideas, but there are few who decide to do something about them now. Not tomorrow. Not next week. But today. The true entrepreneur is a doer, not a dreamer.

I'm not looking for peace on earth, though, through a political solution. I'm a pastor.