Having done stand-up on television and in stand-up specials for like Comedy Central, you learn quickly that for that type of performance you're playing to the camera.

The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time.

Ill book a ticket on some garbage airline. I dont wanna name an actual airline so lets make one up, lets just call it like Delta Airlines

I was always the squarest person in the cool room, and alternatively, sometimes the weirder person at the mainstream table.

Why do people shush animals? Theyve never spoken

I have a lot of stories about being a kid because it was the last time I was interesting.

I'm a very lucky person. I'm an idiot, and I've shoveled through life rather nicely so far, so I don't feel like I deserve good treatment.

If you’re comparing the badness of two words and you won’t even say one of them [the n-word], that’s the worse word.

All my money is in a savings account. My dad has explained the stock market to me maybe 75 times. I still don't understand it.

I plan to join the 'SNL' band as a maraca player and stand behind saxophonist Lenny Pickett. That way they will at least cut to me before commercial breaks. I'll be sure to look right into camera.

I like when things are crazy. Something good comes out of exhaustion.

Each new scientific fact gives rise to new uncertainties, and every pattern of starlight holds both a record and a prophecy.

A girl without braids is like a city without bridges.

Mmm, I love Yoda. I didn't like Jar Jar Binks though, he was all wrong.

Let's be cheerful! We have no more right to steal the brightness out of the day for our own family than we have to steal the purse of a stranger.

Parents with meager means have the same aspirations for their children as other parents. Children from poor families have the same needs as other children.

Since you alone are responsible for your thoughts, only you can change them.

Large organizations cannot be versatile. A large organization is effective through its mass rather than through its agility. Fleas can jump many times their own height, but not an elephant.

The light which shines in the eye is really the light of the heart.. The light which fills the heart is the light of God, which is pure and separate from the light of intellect and sense.

Books work as an art form (and an economic one) because they are primarily the work of an individual.

It takes a long time to make me beautiful, but it goes fast to make me ugly.