Great drama is the souvenir of the adventure of a master among the pieces of his own soul.

Criticism is the windows and chandeliers of art: it illuminates the enveloping darkness in which art might otherwise rest only vaguely discernible, and perhaps altogether unseen.

Bad officials are the ones elected by good citizens who do not vote.

Love demands infinitely less than friendship.

Great art is as irrational as great music. It is mad with its own loveliness.

A man's wife is his compromise with the illusion of his first sweetheart.

Love is the emotion that a woman feels always for a poodle dog and sometimes for a man.

Politics is the diversion of trivial men who, when they succeed at it, become important in the eyes of more trivial men.

Love is an emotion experienced by the many and enjoyed by the few.

A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy.

The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.

Monkeys can rip your face off.

I think that if you can't be loyal to the Church, it's best to get out.

God dwells in the heart where praise is.

We're going to make the best impression on the traveling public, and we're going to make a pile of extra dough just from being first.

Silence is God's first language.

We have by far the most expensive health system in the world. We spend 50 percent more per person than the next most costly nation. Americans spend more on health care than housing or food

How lucky my life is that I have two arms, and two legs, and ten fingers with which to make things out of wood.

I do not want to die being known for doing baby mama DNA tests on my show.

It is art's task to make manifest the contradictions of Being

Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.