Futon World - a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

Once I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: "No good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.

Truth is not a right to be claimed, but a gift for those who are able to conquer it. ☥

So, I poisoned his coffee this morning and watched him drink it.

Like when people say they slept like a baby. Do they mean they slept well? Or do they mean they woke up every ten minutes, screaming?

You have been created in order that you might make a difference. You have within you the power to change the world.

I have lived long enough to be battered by the realities of life and not too long to be downed by them.

In my life mission is everything.. Even if i was a municipal chairman, I would have worked as hard as a CM

Because I fear God, I have no man to fear.

I'll be back so soon you won't have time to miss me. Look after my heart I've left it with you

You're in direct contact with the music by having the strings under your fingers. It's not mechanical like a piano.