Few things are more negative than thinking positive for no reason.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

Anything that doesn't take years of your life and drive you to suicide hardly seems worth doing.

Only expectation has value as currency,

I am not afraid of the dark. And you shouldn't be either.

The face you have at age 25 is the face God gave you, but the face you have after 50 is the face you earned.

Nothing dies so hard, or rallies so often as intolerance.

Above all, never lose faith in your Father in Heaven, who loves you more than you can comprehend.

Man is never alone. Acknowledged or unacknowledged, that which dreams through him is always there to support him from within.

Though one can dine in New York, one could not dwell there.

Running has never failed to give me great end results, and that's why I keep coming back for more!

Be grateful! It is easy to thank after obtaining what you want, thank before having what you want.