Every vice is already a punishment in itself... you don't need a ticket on top of it.

Race, Religion, Ethnic Pride, Nationalism does nothing but teach you how to hate people you have never met

You never hear in the news, "200 killed today when Atheist rebels took heavy shelling from the Agnostic stronghold in the north."

If you're offended by any word in any language, it's probably because your parents were unfit to raise a child.

There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life.

There's only two types of people who are against drugs: the people who have never done drugs and the people who really sucked at doing drugs.

I am a very mediocre intellect, at best, and I am smarter than most people I know - and that terrifies me.

Shouldn't the long-term goal of any society be complete unemployment?

One UK paper described me as a "miserablist", a word I'd never heard before or since. I looked it up and it means someone who can only be happy when they are miserable. Perfect.

I think a lot of women look at prostitutes like they're scabs crossing an union picket line, where they go: You can't just go out and sell it for what it's worth, we're holding out for so much more!

What if I don't want a leader? Where does that vote go? I do good on my own. I don't want to be led.

Survivors can't always choose their methods.

Ladies haven't the luxury of being squeamish about blood.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

It's very important in life to know when to shut up. You should not be afraid of silence.

Me, as a moviegoer, before being a filmmaker, I try to think about what movie I would like to see.

A motto I've adopted is, if at first you don't succeed, hide all evidence that you ever tried.

We know there's going to be nothing but pain, but we go back again and again.

One of the Great Rules of Economics According to John Green If you are rich, you have to be an idiot not to stay rich. And if you are poor, you have to be really smart to get rich.

Basically the French are all peasants.

If I ever wanted to pick someone's brain, like Larry David would obviously be the most relevant.