Every time the Russians throw an American in jail, the Committee throws an American in jail to get even.

Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stolen.

My life needs editing.

People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely.

I've arranged with my executor to be buried in Chicago. Because when I die, I want to still remain active politically.

When Obama ran, he said, We can change the world! The world: can you change it back?!

There's a danger our fiscal bankruptcy might overtake our moral bankruptcy.

A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now.

Remember that no matter how selfish, how cruel, how unfeeling you have been today, every time you take a breath, you make a flower happy.

The fact is that you can't have a good relationship with a girl who hasn't settled things with her father.

One thing about being narrow-minded: you'll never be lonely.

The power of words to deceive is a danger far exceeding any we might encounter from physical weapons. Sticks and stones can break bones! But words can lead worlds into ruin!

Triumphant moments are for wise thinkers...

To conquer death you only have to die.

In masturbation there is nothing but loss.

I was the conductor of the Underground Railroad for eight years, and I can say what most conductors can't say; I never ran my train off the track and I never lost a passenger.

Don't pretend to care. I don't need you as an anesthetic.

He's so big he makes a beeping noise when he walks backwords.

I never - you know also one of the things that would save me for a man my age, it was not that easy to lose that much weight and fall down and look like something draped.

What stands if freedom fall?

The British people are the boss.