Either I'll never get rich from the show but remain intensely proud of the work and stand behind every second of it, or it catches on and I'll make my money down the road.

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.

The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It's a massive gift to be able to say you're not the most important person to yourself.

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

I have a lot of beliefs... and I live by none of them...

My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks standardized testing and common core!

When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Leave the dude alone and he'll figure it out.

Everything is amazing and nobody is happy

What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.

War has often been called a game, with good reason. Both have combatants. Both have sides. Both carry the risk of losing.

A lawyer's opinion is worth nothing unless paid for.

Philosophy is an attempt by man to find cause and effect. Religion has the same goal

Neither life nor happiness can be achieved by the pursuit of irrational whims.

Think first class about everyone around you, and you'll receive first-class results in return.

Mental health is often missing from public health debates even though it's critical to wellbeing.

A good opening and a good ending make for a good film provided they come close together.

My great fear is not that I'll run out of ideas. It's that I'll run out of time.

Failure is what you may need to eventually succeed.

How much of you is repetition?