ECCENTRICITY, n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapacity.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

There is nothing in the world so much admired as a man who knows how to bear unhappiness with courage."— Seneca

To err is human. To blame someone else is politics.

To make a man happy, fill his hands with work.

As a self-respecting dude, I'd never believed in fairy tales, but in that moment, I did. I'd found my angel to live happily-ever-after with.

A friend told me 'I guess you gotta go through a lot of nightmares, before you finally, you know, accomplish your dreams.

Not to know how to deny our soul its own wishes, is to foment a very hot-bed of vices.

I'm a real big country boy.

If I choose to come in this ring and walk over here and stand infront of the bald wonder twins and beat the living crap out of you, I can.

[You Got To Make It Through The World] it's kind of a survival song. Survival is what's happening and it's basically a song about that.

Some of us are sixty feet long with a brain the size of a walnut.