Does Uncle Bob have anything?""I heard he has an STD.""I mean on the women.""Oh, I have no idea if they have any STDs.

Paperwork wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for all the paper. And the work.

My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.

If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.

Since I had a soft spot for zombies and my curiosity was killing me, I opted for plan Z.

I’m currently unsupervised It frisks me out too but the possibilities are endless

Can I brush your hair?” she asked as she led the way, her disposition doing a 180 on a dime. Kids. Can’t live with ’em. Can’t eat ’em for lunch.

Do not open that door until I'm in my room. I may be old and losing my hair, but I still want to look nice for a handsome man.

Those who cook up stories will get into hot water.

I believe what I said yesterday. I don't know what I said, but I know what I think and I assume it's what I said.

Within any important issue, there are always aspects no one wishes to discuss.

I don't really lose my temper that much, but when somebody mistreats my guys, I just go crazy.

I listen to a lot of music. But I definitely haven't looked at an artist and like thought I want to have a song like this.

If you knew the meaning of life, would you necessarily like it?

Everything they do, from smiling to crying, feels like a blessing. Being a father feels amazing. This has been the most spiritual moment in my life.

If you throw away all thoughts of attainment, you will then come to see the real purpose of your quest.

To worship our false selves is to worship nothing. And the worship of nothing is hell.