Do not have your child's hair cut by a real hairdresser in a real hairdressing salon. He is, at this point, far too short to be exposed to contempt.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Think before you speak. Read before you think.

My favorite animal is steak.

The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.

A hobby is, of course, an abomination, as are all consuming interests and passions that do not lead directly to large, personal gain.

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

There are two modes of transport in Los Angeles: car and ambulance. Visitors who wish to remain inconspicuous are advised to choose the latter

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

If you believe in your heart that you are right, then you must fight with all your might to do it your way. Only dead fish swim with the stream all the time.

Any man who neglects his conscience is a dangerous animal.

It's not what you do but that kind of job you do that makes the difference.

The glass I drink from is not large, but at least it is my own.

Almost everyone thinks they are a good person, but the question you should be asking is, am I good enough to go to Heaven? How would you know?

But, the truth is that everyone is somebody already.

Everyone believes that he abounds in wisdom, but is short of money.

The measure of your success will be the measure of your generosity.

Prisons where people can't even work is the worst punishment you can think of. And I don't think we should put all convicts in such facilities where people are deprived of their freedom.

It is at the cross-roads that skepticism is born, not in a hermitage.