Democrats should be focused on which way we can help the most people in this country, and Republicans should be focused on how to do that in the most fiscally responsible manner possible.

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!

When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

Your dream is the prayer the Universe makes to you, because in its fulfilment it grows together with you.

The Bachelor'... and 'The Bachelorette'... and 'Bachelor in Paradise'... and the 'After the Final Rose ceremony'. I love a competition dating show.

I make hats. I'm on a hat frenzy. I'm on my eighth and I love it.

Wine, women and song have been replaced by prune juice, a heating pad and the Gong Show.

Let grace conduct thee to the paths of peace.

Pleasure limps for him. who enjoys it alone.

People want their 15 minutes and are willing to do anything to get it.

I'm officially middle-aged. I don't need drugs anymore, thank God. I can get the same effect just by standing up real fast.

We can both prevent asteroid impacts and address climate change. It's not either-or.

The real bond and real love is something that is actually worth fighting for.