Dad loves my stuff. No matter how many times my voice cracks or I miss a tap, he doesn't care. He's like some businessman making it to his kid's recital.

If you were shopping for a father, you'd have to take out a serious loan to afford mine. He's the best.

I was the fat kid, so as a defense mechanism, I was the jokester.

I was not very well-behaved. I remember I was a discipline problem. I was a typical American male at twenty-years-old, and I was causing trouble whenever I could.

I wish I believed him. He's looking at me like he can see where I begin.

Learn soon...Reach moon by bus, if you late ...they will kike you out

The Olympics are never just about sports.

If Anthony Johnson ever gets a jumper, who's going to stop him?

Nothing goes perfectly, especially when you're opening a restaurant.

The real question is how do you stay funny in your 70s and 80s? And that's a real accomplishment, you know, the longevity.

She dumped me for the quarterback after she'd played my body like a banjo. So Sad." "I bet" "I'm serious. I was heartbroken." "For how long?" "A whole week." An eternity in the life of a teenage boy.

My hair walks into a room before I do.

All animals, except man, know that the principal business of life is to enjoy it - and they do enjoy it as much as man and other circumstances will allow.

In all honesty my cake was baking when I met Al - I had made up in my mind already to get physically healthy. He refreshingly was on his own journey so it was almost as if we walked together.