Comedians have the ability to feel other emotions.

To me this is not yelling. I am not yelling. I'm just passionate about my opinions and I want to tell you all of them before you start talking again.

Haven't you noticed that every time the government f-ks up McDonald's has a new sandwich?

Only an adult with dying dreams can appreciate how awesome it is to have a dog.

God's everywhere, but I gotta go down (to church) to see him? Really? And he's mad at me down there, and I owe you money?

Let's go to Brunch. What a great idea! Why would you want to sleep in on a Sunday when you can go pay $18 for eggs? Now, you're thinking.

Surround yourself with positive people. Also, be a positive person. Root for people. Somebody else's success is not your failure.

My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn't be funny, but to observe it, it's hilarious.

Nothing worse than when a 6 acts like a 10.

I've never wanted to kill myself over anything major. It's always the little things that do me in.

Your twenties is all about taking your childhood out on everyone that you run into.

Art should be for sale. The artist should not.

You don't know what you don't know. That's why you don't have. Because to know and not to have is not to know.

The truth is everything.

It is when we stop believing that religions have been handed down from above or else that they are entirely daft that matters become more interesting.

None but yourself who are your greatest foe.

Flowers are restful to look at. They have neither emotions nor conflicts.

Take these chances Place them in a box until a quieter time Lights down, you up and die

Always carry a camera, it's tough to shoot a picture without one.

Without good drawing, the foundation of a painting will collapse.

If my university years taught me anything, it was that the smarter a woman's background, the more primitive her bedchamber