Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit

In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we're united and enjoy life - Without unity we are victims. Stay united.

Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.

Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it.

Contentment is knowing you're right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.

Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.

I'm English and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise.

Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.

The day after tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life - that way you've always got a couple of days in hand.

Tonight's show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn't - haven't made my mind up yet.

Three women walk into a pub and say, 'Hooray, we've colonised a male-dominated joke format'

I asked God to help me understand the story of the forest and what it means to be a tree in that story.

My liberty depends on you being free, too.

Perfect. Why was this so hard to find?”The other type of perfect is the type you never could have expected and then could never replicate.

There is no such thing as great writing - there is only great re-writing!

Things have value Because somebody buys them, Because somebody pays money; If you can find a buyer, Even a lie is worth a thousand yen.

Golf is very much like a love affair. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun, if you do, it breaks your heart. Don't break your heart, but flirt with the possibility.

In the only way that pain can be truly remembered, through a new pain.

The modern world, a world which has experienced marvelous achievements but which seems to have lost its sense of ultimate realities and of existence itself.

The reason why the simpler sort are moved by authority is the consciousness of their own ignorance

I didn't teach you that. Catch the ball with your glove.