Choosing to have a child you can't take care of is like farting in an elevator. Sure you got it out, but not it's everyone else's problem.

You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend.

The only difference between the women I've dated and Charles Manson is that Manson has the decency to look like a nut case when you first meet him.

In life your dreams may not come true, but sooner or later one of your nightmares will.

Today, I bought a pastrami sandwich: $13.75. Walked back out in the street - genuine Rolex watch: six bucks.

Fifty per cent of all marriages end in divorce. But look at the bright side: the other 50 per cent end in death.

Live each day as if it were the last day of your life because, so far, it is.

The way I see life, it's like we're all flying on the Hindenburg, why fight over the window seats?

I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I'm thinking, okay, here's a gal who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future.

Success is like toilet paper, it only seems important when you don't have it.

Say whatever you want. But the United States has a kickass military and really good bullshit marketing people. If this country was a person it would be a used car salesman with a flamethrower.

The key to failure is ignoring Cosmic Ordering.

Why sometimes we don't Trust people? It is either because we don't know them or know them.

If there is anything worth fearing in the world, it is living in such a way that gives one cause for regret in the end.

To be one, to be united is a great thing. But to respect the right to be different is maybe even greater.

Perhaps measuring animal intelligence by comparing it to human intelligence isn't the best litmus test.

To observations which ourselves we make, we grow more partial for th' observer's sake.

This war in Vietnam is, I believe, a war for civilization. Certainly it is not a war of our seeking. It is a war thrust upon us and we cannot yield to tyranny.

Jesting, often, only proves a want of intellect. [Fr., La moquerie est souvent une indigence d'esprit.]

Failure is sucess if we learn from it.