Check-ups are, in my experience, a grave mistake; all they do is allow the quack of your choice to tell you that you have some sort of complaint that you were far happier not knowing about.

There is always time for failure

To escape jury duty in England, wear a bowler hat and carry a copy of the Daily telegraph.

The shelf life of the modern hardback writer is somewhere between the milk and the yoghurt.

No brilliance is needed in the law. Nothing but common sense, and relatively clean finger nails.

All the flower children were as alike as a congress of accountants and about as interesting.

Never believe a rumour until you hear it officially denied.

We don't know much about the human conscience, except that it is soluble in alcohol.

The secret of good health and happiness is to have rather small illnesses throughout your life which you can rely on to stop you doing anything you don't want to do.

Hell must be a place where you are only allowed to read what you agree with.

I suppose that writers should, in a way, feel flattered by the censorship laws. They show a primitive fear and dread at the fearful magic of print.

The fear of God is an insane idea. God is love and “there is no fear in love, because perfect love casts out all fear.

The voice of a donkey braying in the neighbouring meadow seemed like the mocking laughter of demons.

I cannot make it better known than it already is that I strongly favor colonization.

So it's hard to be an artist and be true to the reality of the world you want to create and also make it entertaining and successful financially.

Words seem so futile, so feeble. You are all such lovely, beautiful people ... thank you.

I love Tinkle, it's really the most fun I've had in years.

If you know anything about me, I've never been a trash-talker. That's not even part of my DNA.

I think I'll sleep now.

I'm half-Japanese, so I collect toys, like a Yayoi Kusama stuffed pumpkin.

One is weary of hearing about the omnipotence of money. I will say rather that, for a genuine man, it is not evil to be poor.