Changing husbands is about as satisfactory as changing a bundle from one hand to the other; it gives you only temporary relief.

A wise woman puts a grain of sugar into everything she says to a man, and takes a grain of salt with everything he says to her.

Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.

Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.

Love, like a chicken salad or restaurant hash, must be taken with blind faith or it loses its flavor.

Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning hand springs or eating with chopsticks. It looks easy until you try it.

A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say it.

A bride at her second marriage does not wear a veil. She wants to see what she is getting.

A good woman inspires a man, a brilliant woman interests him, a beautiful woman fascinates him, but a sympathetic woman gets him.

Wedding: the point at which a man stops toasting a woman and begins roasting her.

The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.

The best traveler is one without a camera.

Where hatred exists, let love be your final thoughts.

Every Christmas Eve, the elves will come and give us a new pair of pajamas.

Today, I am an inquisitor. I shall not sit here and be an idle spectator to the diminution, the subversion, the destruction of the Constitution.

When you're invisible, no one can see that you're different.

And of all plagues with which mankind are curst, Ecclesiastic tyranny's the worst.

You've always made the mistake of being yourself.

Another time, we had three days off in Australia, so we went out of our way to fly to Ayres Rock.

An individual step in character training is to put responsibility on the individual.

When we are in groups, when we are surrounded by people who believe what we believe, trust emerges and our very survival and progress goes up.