Besides, hysteria is only possible with an audience.

Our generation has had no Great Depression, no Great War. Our war is spiritual. Our depression is our lives.

The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person.

We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will.

Worker bees can leave. Even drones can fly away. The Queen is their slave.

Did perpetual happiness in the Garden of Eden maybe get so boring that eating the apple was justified?

You know, the condom is the glass slipper of our generation. You slip it on when you meet a stranger. You dance all night, then you throw it away.

If you love something set it free, but don't be surprised if it comes back with herpes.

Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I've ever known.

The trick to forgetting the big picture is to look at everything close-up.

It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace.

Leadership embodies a spirit of encouragement. It is difficult to lead people where they are not enthusiastically encouraged to go.

How hard can it be to find a girl and an elephant for Christ's sake?

Every comic went through their Mitch Hedberg phase - the glasses, the hair in the face - and you knew immediately when they were doing it.

My grandmother, she's been the positive portion of my life the entire time. She raised us Baptist, and when I got old enough to say I didn't want to go to church, she didn't force me. She was cool.

Russia has never been an aggressor. Russia has always been a country contributing to global stability and security. A country heavily involved in combating terror.

The judgment that you pass today will only hinder a person in their spiritual evolution. All you do is say to the person, psychically: "This is what you are. You're fixed. You can't change."

Someday, when in the presence of our Savior, we will thank Him for every burden, every trial, and every heartache.

To teach details is to bring confusion; to establish the relationship between things is to bring knowledge.

As I get older every year, I'm eating better. As a kid, who can turn down chips and candy? But I'm getting better.

You can make bad choices and find yourself in a downward spiral or you can find something that gets you out of it.