BATH, n. A kind of mystic ceremony substituted for religious worship, with what spiritual efficacy has not been determined.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Hang in there. It is astonishing how short a time it can take for very wonderful things to happen.

The American people have no control over what the military does. We have no say in American foreign policy.

How in the turmoil of life can love stand, Where there is not one heart, and one mouth and one hand.

It's almost inevitable that we become religious people. The question is, what kind of religion is it?

To lose hope in the future is to begin to die.

Alternative media is no longer really alternative, and we're no longer that dependant upon newspapers, like the Los Angeles Times, for our information.

I think that indicates why men tend to invest more wealth. If he loses some, there's more coming in. Whereas for women, it's like "Ugh, I gotta keep this."

I don't think it's a secret that New York tastemakers don't love my work.

Do not be too quick to condemn the man who no longer believes in God: for it is perhaps your own coldness and avarice and mediocrity and materialism and selfishness that have chilled his faith.

Making "bad people" seem human is the key to making them really scary.