As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.

I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.

Other countries care for their mentally ill. Making them debate on TV is just cruel.

The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.

Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.

It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.

Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one.

If its platform is any guide, the Republican party is staunchly pro-life until you are actually born.

The only possible reason the Republicans have declared a war on women is they must think women have oil.

If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.

It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.

…all the evils of ours spring from the tyranny of human beings.

A state is an association of similar persons whose aim is the best life possible. What is best is happiness, and to be happy is an active exercise of virtue and a complete employment of it.

It's hard for me to imagine that some people in the CIA who had firsthand knowledge would be unable to recognize that this would be helpful information for a soldier's death.

I’m happier than a pig eating bacon!

Men go where they will, they do as they must; it is not a woman's part to bid them to stay, nor yet to reproach them for being what they are-or for not coming back.

This weakening is worsened by the widening distance between the governed and their governments.

Tried to find me an executive position, but no matter how smooth I talked they wouldn't listen to the fact that I was a genius.

Just because you win the French Open it doesn't mean you can do well at Wimbledon .

But fates are connected in ways we don’t understand.

I still can't quite believe it. Although there was something about the fact that it was a first-time writer, a first-time producer, and a first-time director all at the same time.