As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.

As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.

I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.

Other countries care for their mentally ill. Making them debate on TV is just cruel.

The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.

Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.

It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.

Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one.

If its platform is any guide, the Republican party is staunchly pro-life until you are actually born.

The only possible reason the Republicans have declared a war on women is they must think women have oil.

If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.

Foolishness, that's the word for humor. To be stupid it's not a talent or something which should be paid attention it is showing what mankind is really. If you want this join this!

May we treasure the divine gift of communication, and may we use it wisely to build and to assist others on this marvelous journey through mortality.

My friends and I were wild and we liked to joy-ride.

Elvis is my religion. But for him, I'd be selling encyclopedias right now.

Scott: I don't think I'm ready to be a grown-up. Kim: I don't think you are either, buddy. But hey, you'll get it. It just takes practice.

If you really believe in yourself, you cannot listen to other people.

I hate a messy closet. I totally freak out when my closet is messy and I can't find anything.

Nature turns all malfaisance to good.

By God, I cannot flatter, I do defy The tongues of soothers! but a braver place In my heart's love hath no man than yourself. Nay, task me to my word; approve me, lord.